White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize