I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
