Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
