i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
