can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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