Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do vagina's smell?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
