Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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