she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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