My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
