vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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