my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
