Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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