I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
