omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
