i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
