you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
