It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
