is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
