So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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