am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
