ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
