Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
