I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
