I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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