So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
