my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
