Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
