why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
