I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize