We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
