did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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