he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
