whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
