I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
