Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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