I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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