He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
