I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
