I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
