yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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