how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fill condoms, not promises.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
