i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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