he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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