Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
