i barfeds in our rink
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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