Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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