ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

  Fav 21 4762 1196

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Fav 10 6372 2066

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.

  Fav 4 3652 1249

  share tweet
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.

  Fav 11 4711 2082

  share tweet
  

• (972): View more from Texas

  I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

  Fav 7 2435 1011

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

  Fav 12 2678 1105

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (916): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.

  Fav 9 1569 902

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.

  Fav 7 1338 696

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me

  Fav 7 1015 644

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.

  Fav 1 554 841

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

  Fav 6 641 836

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  "what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.

  Fav 1 942 534

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

  Fav 2 1562 583

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room

  Fav 3 751 342

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Fuck me I smell like cheese

  Fav 4 24 52

  share tweet
  

Randomize