You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
