Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
