dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
