When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
