Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
