Umm I'm too high to move.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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