How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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