new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
time to smoke my breakfast
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
