Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
