no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
