Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
