I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to have your abortion
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
