I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
