Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize