Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
