I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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