He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will be naked everywhere
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
