I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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